Now Serving: The Greene Turtle

The Greene Turtle is a regional chain of bars, but essentially a staple in the area for nearly 40 years. And they have loads of locations in the area. Fells, Fed, Towson, White Marsh, Owings Mills, BWI, Hunt Valley, Columbia, and so on. If you live in the Baltimore, you're probably less than 10 minutes from one of their locations. They have a reputation to all things local, and their advertising is quick to shame national chains for being generic, not knowing the history of the city, etc.

The reviews on Yelp, which hang around 2.5 stars, seems to lend this isn't the best place to be. Yelp isn't the end all be all metric for what a restaurant is all about, and even though some can be damning, it can generally give you a pretty good idea.

I enter one of their Baltimore locations on a busy Saturday night. The bar is packed, and noisy as hell. What I expect from a bar in Baltimore. I'm meeting a friend who ordered food 30 minutes ago that hasn't come out yet, which frightens me, because I'm super hungry. Now, they have lots of servers on staff, but clearly there is a distinction between those assigned to tables and those in the bar. The ones at tables are having fun, playing grab ass with each other around the hostess table. The bar, overloaded, doesn't have nearly enough people.

I have enough time to look over the menu. I've been here a few times before, and have had their PBJ burger (which might sound gross, but is in fact amazing in both how it tastes, and the fact that it works paired together). This time through, I want the Chesapeake burger. Their never frozen Angus certified beef, seasoned with old bay, topped with their signature crab dip, smoked bacon, American cheese, lettuce & tomato on brioche.

I'm finally able to track down someone, who quickly takes my drink order and runs away. Drops my beer without me even noticing. A few minutes later, someone else brings my friend his dinner (45 min ticket time), and I'm finally able to order. My food arrives relatively quickly (12 min). Maybe they were out of the weeds by then, or I got extremely lucky.

The burger is great. Slightly undercooked (I like it medium well, this was closet to medium, but still worked) Seasoned very well. The crab dip is oozing from every side of the bun, and is some of the best I've had recently, very cheesy. Bacon is a little too crispy, but a good crunch nevertheless. Bun had a good buttery taste. All in all, the burger is very very good. I'm just not sure it's worth the process involved to get one.

Tavern On The Hill (Mt. Vernon)

I've spent these last few months chowing on some of the best (and a few forgettable) burgers in the city and I realize, I haven't been to Mount Vernon. Let's change that, with a visit to Tavern on the Hill. This place is spacious, but deceptively small. With all the upscale and trendy spots to eat in Baltimore's "cultural district", this place stands apart, because it's just a pub. It has the feel of a diner, except replace all the silver with wood, and add a bar.

I walk through the doors early afternoon of a blistery cold cold cold (3 colds. Did I mention it was cold) day, where I'm greeted warmly. By the cook. That's right. Not that everyone else wasn't warm and pleasant. But it's something a little unexpected. I find my seat, open up my menu (The burgers are right in the center of the 3 page menu, where they belong), and they have about a dozen speciality burgers, with varied ingredients. I closed my eyes, spun my finger around the menu, and landed on the "Oy Vey" burger.

The "Oy Vey" comes with their standard 100% Fresh ground USDA choice on a Challah bun, lettuce, tomato, onion and pickle spear, topped with Swiss, and bottomed with pastrami and spicy mustard. Upgrade to Bison beef is available as well. 

Presented open face, with everything laid out, (but just a single slice of tomato? Really?) brown mustard (probably Gulden's) on the side, and an ample serving of hand cut fries. I put on a nice lather of sauce, and took a bite that absolutely rocked my world. The pastrami and beef pair is off the charts good. Every couple bites, some of the pastrami shavings would slide out of the burger and land delicately like a feather. The pastrami itself is so good. Chewy and politely peppered. 

This is what dreams are made of

While eating, I realized I was slipping into what I'll call the "Burger Zone". It felt like for a fleeting moment, all that existed in this world was just me and this burger. Nothing else mattered. Nothing could break my focus. I was hypnotized. Jimi Hendrix could have been resurrected, sitting across the table from me playing the solo from Hey Joe, light his guitar on fire causing the restaurant to burn, firefighters running in dressed as Pokemon characters, shooting spaghetti sauce from their fingers to extinguish the blaze, I would not have noticed.

This burger was that good.

Quick mention, on Thursday's from 4-cl, they offer $2 off burgers. I give this place a loud ringing endorsement. 

 

"oy vey" burger, pastrami. 

Brix Sports Bar and Grill & BGR The Burger Spot

Happy New Year. Glad to be back after a holiday break from writing. Don't you think for a nanasecond I haven't been eating burgers, because to kick off the year, It's not one, but 2 burger reviews. If you made a resolution to eat better, let me try to convince you otherwise.

First, we have Brix in Rosedale, just outside the Beltway. I was very excited to try this place out. I've eaten here several times before. First time was as an all you can eat cardboard pizza buffet, another time was as an all you can eat Asian bistro. Many restaurants came and went here. Some might be the lack of portion control. Some of it may be because it's very tricky to get to this specific location. It's on one side of the highway, inaccessable if traveling west without a U-Turn, then, it's a small opening to get to the shopping center.

This spot boasts pretty good happy hour specials, and a fair mix of frankenfoods (i.e., grilled cheese served on a glazed donut) with a gourmet savvy plate presentation. Their facebook page is consistantly making my mouth water.

Yeah right, like I'm using a fork

I like to test drive a restaurants "Signature Dishes" if they have them. Allows me to get a great idea of what they feel is their best offering. They have 2 signature burgers, but I'm not eating a veggie burger. I go for "The Brix Boss": 1/2 pound Angus with applewood bacon, onion rings, 2 layers of cheese, and red bell peppers with a chipotle mayo. A massive treat, with a side of waffle fries and cole slaw.

Soap box side bar: Cole Slaw is disgusting. It sounds even less appetizing than if it was called what it really is, wet mayonaise cabbage. This hatred could stem from my days in the food service industry, where I'd have to pre portion slaw, shipped conveniently in a 5 gallon bucket.

The burger itself was great. Packed some unexpected but welcome heat. The spicy mayo paired with the peppers was phenominal. But when I picked up the burger, the mayo made a small drippy mess. I had to set the burger back down on the bed of waffle fries between bites. But the sauce was so irrestible, it actually created a pretty good au jus sauce (not sure if that was the intended effect). Only complaint, if I have to nit pick, the tomatoes weren't so fesh. I imagine the ones I got were in the bottom of the prep tin, stewing in it's own juices, making it a little soggy. I expect this from Wawa, not a restaurant. But with every element hitting, I can overlook.

Intentional, or unintentional? Delicious either way.

Next stop was (not on the same day, thankfully) BGR in Columbia. Their name literally spells out BurGeR. They are a small chain, with less than 20 shops, (13 of which are in the DMV area) so based on that, I'll give them a nod as a local spot. Having been there before, and falling deeply into burger bliss, I had to return. And this one was extra special, as I met up with good friend, and fellow stand-up comedian Robert Andrew, who you might know from the "It's Mickey" podcast.

This place just feels like an old school burger joint, and you can tell their love of music. Album covers adorn the walls, and even some of their patterned glass tabletops, which are a blend of classic album covers and fun pop culture.

This place, again, has been praised for it's veggie burger. The Baltimore Sun named it one of the best burgers in the area. It's nice that a burger stand offers healthier options (Lettuce wraps, Ahi Tuna, Robert was especially delighted grilled asparagus is an option as a side). I'm not particularly interested in all that. Maybe I'd try the tuna one day, but it's a customized "Create a Legend" for me. I built The cook made me a flame grilled prime, dry aged burger (with an extra patty), Lettuce, Tomato, pickles, mojo sauce (again, a spicy mayo with a funky name), with applewood bacon, cheddar, and grilled pineapple.

This was even more imposing than the last one. I love how an open flame traps the juices in the burger. Visually, I wish the 2 patties would have had something to separate them, even a slice of cheese, so it had the look of two patties instead of just one really thick one. You could taste every topping, nothing really standing out, except the sweetness of the pineapple. The brioche bun was super fresh, soft and durable, accounting for the pound of food piled on, (and mojo sauce directly on the bottom).

With so many chains in the marketplace, This is one I really hope hope succeeds. And if more people give this place a shot, it will.

No asparagus here