Now Serving: The Greene Turtle

The Greene Turtle is a regional chain of bars, but essentially a staple in the area for nearly 40 years. And they have loads of locations in the area. Fells, Fed, Towson, White Marsh, Owings Mills, BWI, Hunt Valley, Columbia, and so on. If you live in the Baltimore, you're probably less than 10 minutes from one of their locations. They have a reputation to all things local, and their advertising is quick to shame national chains for being generic, not knowing the history of the city, etc.

The reviews on Yelp, which hang around 2.5 stars, seems to lend this isn't the best place to be. Yelp isn't the end all be all metric for what a restaurant is all about, and even though some can be damning, it can generally give you a pretty good idea.

I enter one of their Baltimore locations on a busy Saturday night. The bar is packed, and noisy as hell. What I expect from a bar in Baltimore. I'm meeting a friend who ordered food 30 minutes ago that hasn't come out yet, which frightens me, because I'm super hungry. Now, they have lots of servers on staff, but clearly there is a distinction between those assigned to tables and those in the bar. The ones at tables are having fun, playing grab ass with each other around the hostess table. The bar, overloaded, doesn't have nearly enough people.

I have enough time to look over the menu. I've been here a few times before, and have had their PBJ burger (which might sound gross, but is in fact amazing in both how it tastes, and the fact that it works paired together). This time through, I want the Chesapeake burger. Their never frozen Angus certified beef, seasoned with old bay, topped with their signature crab dip, smoked bacon, American cheese, lettuce & tomato on brioche.

I'm finally able to track down someone, who quickly takes my drink order and runs away. Drops my beer without me even noticing. A few minutes later, someone else brings my friend his dinner (45 min ticket time), and I'm finally able to order. My food arrives relatively quickly (12 min). Maybe they were out of the weeds by then, or I got extremely lucky.

The burger is great. Slightly undercooked (I like it medium well, this was closet to medium, but still worked) Seasoned very well. The crab dip is oozing from every side of the bun, and is some of the best I've had recently, very cheesy. Bacon is a little too crispy, but a good crunch nevertheless. Bun had a good buttery taste. All in all, the burger is very very good. I'm just not sure it's worth the process involved to get one.

Tavern On The Hill (Mt. Vernon)

I've spent these last few months chowing on some of the best (and a few forgettable) burgers in the city and I realize, I haven't been to Mount Vernon. Let's change that, with a visit to Tavern on the Hill. This place is spacious, but deceptively small. With all the upscale and trendy spots to eat in Baltimore's "cultural district", this place stands apart, because it's just a pub. It has the feel of a diner, except replace all the silver with wood, and add a bar.

I walk through the doors early afternoon of a blistery cold cold cold (3 colds. Did I mention it was cold) day, where I'm greeted warmly. By the cook. That's right. Not that everyone else wasn't warm and pleasant. But it's something a little unexpected. I find my seat, open up my menu (The burgers are right in the center of the 3 page menu, where they belong), and they have about a dozen speciality burgers, with varied ingredients. I closed my eyes, spun my finger around the menu, and landed on the "Oy Vey" burger.

The "Oy Vey" comes with their standard 100% Fresh ground USDA choice on a Challah bun, lettuce, tomato, onion and pickle spear, topped with Swiss, and bottomed with pastrami and spicy mustard. Upgrade to Bison beef is available as well. 

Presented open face, with everything laid out, (but just a single slice of tomato? Really?) brown mustard (probably Gulden's) on the side, and an ample serving of hand cut fries. I put on a nice lather of sauce, and took a bite that absolutely rocked my world. The pastrami and beef pair is off the charts good. Every couple bites, some of the pastrami shavings would slide out of the burger and land delicately like a feather. The pastrami itself is so good. Chewy and politely peppered. 

This is what dreams are made of

While eating, I realized I was slipping into what I'll call the "Burger Zone". It felt like for a fleeting moment, all that existed in this world was just me and this burger. Nothing else mattered. Nothing could break my focus. I was hypnotized. Jimi Hendrix could have been resurrected, sitting across the table from me playing the solo from Hey Joe, light his guitar on fire causing the restaurant to burn, firefighters running in dressed as Pokemon characters, shooting spaghetti sauce from their fingers to extinguish the blaze, I would not have noticed.

This burger was that good.

Quick mention, on Thursday's from 4-cl, they offer $2 off burgers. I give this place a loud ringing endorsement. 

 

"oy vey" burger, pastrami. 

Brix Sports Bar and Grill & BGR The Burger Spot

Happy New Year. Glad to be back after a holiday break from writing. Don't you think for a nanasecond I haven't been eating burgers, because to kick off the year, It's not one, but 2 burger reviews. If you made a resolution to eat better, let me try to convince you otherwise.

First, we have Brix in Rosedale, just outside the Beltway. I was very excited to try this place out. I've eaten here several times before. First time was as an all you can eat cardboard pizza buffet, another time was as an all you can eat Asian bistro. Many restaurants came and went here. Some might be the lack of portion control. Some of it may be because it's very tricky to get to this specific location. It's on one side of the highway, inaccessable if traveling west without a U-Turn, then, it's a small opening to get to the shopping center.

This spot boasts pretty good happy hour specials, and a fair mix of frankenfoods (i.e., grilled cheese served on a glazed donut) with a gourmet savvy plate presentation. Their facebook page is consistantly making my mouth water.

Yeah right, like I'm using a fork

I like to test drive a restaurants "Signature Dishes" if they have them. Allows me to get a great idea of what they feel is their best offering. They have 2 signature burgers, but I'm not eating a veggie burger. I go for "The Brix Boss": 1/2 pound Angus with applewood bacon, onion rings, 2 layers of cheese, and red bell peppers with a chipotle mayo. A massive treat, with a side of waffle fries and cole slaw.

Soap box side bar: Cole Slaw is disgusting. It sounds even less appetizing than if it was called what it really is, wet mayonaise cabbage. This hatred could stem from my days in the food service industry, where I'd have to pre portion slaw, shipped conveniently in a 5 gallon bucket.

The burger itself was great. Packed some unexpected but welcome heat. The spicy mayo paired with the peppers was phenominal. But when I picked up the burger, the mayo made a small drippy mess. I had to set the burger back down on the bed of waffle fries between bites. But the sauce was so irrestible, it actually created a pretty good au jus sauce (not sure if that was the intended effect). Only complaint, if I have to nit pick, the tomatoes weren't so fesh. I imagine the ones I got were in the bottom of the prep tin, stewing in it's own juices, making it a little soggy. I expect this from Wawa, not a restaurant. But with every element hitting, I can overlook.

Intentional, or unintentional? Delicious either way.

Next stop was (not on the same day, thankfully) BGR in Columbia. Their name literally spells out BurGeR. They are a small chain, with less than 20 shops, (13 of which are in the DMV area) so based on that, I'll give them a nod as a local spot. Having been there before, and falling deeply into burger bliss, I had to return. And this one was extra special, as I met up with good friend, and fellow stand-up comedian Robert Andrew, who you might know from the "It's Mickey" podcast.

This place just feels like an old school burger joint, and you can tell their love of music. Album covers adorn the walls, and even some of their patterned glass tabletops, which are a blend of classic album covers and fun pop culture.

This place, again, has been praised for it's veggie burger. The Baltimore Sun named it one of the best burgers in the area. It's nice that a burger stand offers healthier options (Lettuce wraps, Ahi Tuna, Robert was especially delighted grilled asparagus is an option as a side). I'm not particularly interested in all that. Maybe I'd try the tuna one day, but it's a customized "Create a Legend" for me. I built The cook made me a flame grilled prime, dry aged burger (with an extra patty), Lettuce, Tomato, pickles, mojo sauce (again, a spicy mayo with a funky name), with applewood bacon, cheddar, and grilled pineapple.

This was even more imposing than the last one. I love how an open flame traps the juices in the burger. Visually, I wish the 2 patties would have had something to separate them, even a slice of cheese, so it had the look of two patties instead of just one really thick one. You could taste every topping, nothing really standing out, except the sweetness of the pineapple. The brioche bun was super fresh, soft and durable, accounting for the pound of food piled on, (and mojo sauce directly on the bottom).

With so many chains in the marketplace, This is one I really hope hope succeeds. And if more people give this place a shot, it will.

No asparagus here

Now Serving: Guy Fieri's Baltimore Kitchen & Bar

I'd looked back over the last couple of weeks, and the burgers i've been consuming have been very plain. Ordinary. No attempts at reinventing the wheel. Not that they haven't been tasty, but not the frankenfood I was hoping to find.

Insert loud celebrity chef Guy Fieri. Nothing seems ordinary about this guy. Obsessed with catch phrases and excessive portions, he might be the guy to take me to "Flavortown", though google maps doesn't seem to specifically know where that is, (I don't think it's a real place, guys).

But "Guy Fieri's Baltimore Kitchen and Bar" is a real place, located inside Horseshoe casino, in the shadows of M&T Bank Stadium. And as much of a mouthful it is to say it's name, they allude to serving mouthfuls of food. On my plate today is his "Bacon Mac and Cheese Burger", which promises an "Award-winning burger – winner of the New York City Wine + Food Festival Burger Bash! Crispy applewood bacon, six-cheese mac ‘n’ cheese, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super melty cheese) + a slathering of donkey sauce on a garlic-buttered brioche bun." (As copied and pasted from the menu.) I'm glad the menu has acronyms, paired with an explination of the acronym next to it. Destroys the need for an acronym, but I would have never figured out SMC.

And while I'm super excited to have an award winning burger, the festival sounds extremely specific, and maybe a little made up. We don't have shit like that in Baltimore.

Anyhow, on to the burger, which looks like an appetizer sampler exploded and landed on top of the bun. Mine came with onion straws on top, which wasn't listed in the myriad of ingreedients. I did note an absence of the donkey sauce. Unless donkey sauce is a fancy name for ketchup, which I doubt. It's tall, but everything on the burger is compactable, making it easier to eat than first glance might tell you.

Everything on the bun is delicious. Even the stuff that eventually fell off the bun was still delicious. But all the food had a layer of grease. The burger was thin. Lots of it, but thin, making it faster to cook, and easier to cook evenly. The mac, outstanding, would make a great stand alone disk, had a layer of oil from the cheese. The onion straws, fried, so grease is just going to happen. Bacon was fantastic, but naturally greasy. A generous layer of long, thin slices of pickles on the bun, naturally a wet item. Bun was grilled, a good contrast of garlic and butter. Everything had a layer of lubrication, making it very easy to slide down my gullet. I imagine the donkey sauce if included would have added to the ease, but would have made it sloppy, which to my suprise, this burger really wasn't. Guy is doing magic in his kitchen.

Note the overhang from under the bun

It should be noted that it's 3 different styles of fries on that slide. They are very sweet, as if someone took powdered sugar, shook it on top, and dropped it into the fry vat. Seasoning fries is one thing, sugaring them is completely different. I guess if you're ordering something like this, Healthier substitutions are laughable. But I'm a fan. My only gripe is you have to traverse the casino, ascend the parking garage, walk through the casino, go down the escalator, turn around, walk past more slots, do the hokey pokey,.. it's a lot to get to the restaurant. And it's a shame none of the under 21 crowd will get to eat there either.

Oh, and happy holidays. May you get lots of burgers under your tree, and sliders in your stockings.

Now Serving: DelMarVa Southern Cafe

In doing this blog, I've tried to bounce around different neighborhoods, but I seem to end up back in Canton. Living in East Baltimore County, it's the first stop driving through downtown. With all the well reviewed restaurants, dive bars, etc, I could spend 6 months there eating and still not hit everything. I've got a bit of a game plan in finding the best Baltimore Burger, but plans can detour or derail.

It's no longer coming soon, it's here

Last week, on a whim, I made a visit to DelMarVa Southern Cafe on Boston St. They have 2 other locations in Virginia. I'm not reviewing those. This is a Baltimore based blog, and that wouldn't make any sense, though I'm sure their standards here translate down there. That does make sense. I was here on a Thursday or Friday. I remember this because they love burgers so much, they have burger night on both Thursday & Friday. That's my kind of place.

Now, aside from their burgers, their entire menu is pretty impressive. Comfort food with core ingredients primarily crafted in house, including sauces.

The burger, however, I ordered was the Salsa Burger. An appropriately sized patty, topped with fresh salsa, Swiss and avocado (which as a personal choice, I left off, not my thing). This was a tough decision, because the Bacon Burger is topped with a Bacon Marmalade, which sounds incredible. I did have a recent bad experience with a bacon burger, which influenced my choice.

The Salsa burger was outstanding. A top flight restaurant quality burger with a reasonable café price. You could really taste the freshness of the homemade salsa. Big explosion of taste in my mouth. Glancing over the menu, I didn't see anywhere else where it shows up. It's very possible the salsa was made to order. I'm not overselling the salsa, and I hope by this, I'm not underselling the burger. (And I apologize for not getting the salsa in the burger picture. I included a comparable looking bowl of salsa.) I'm sure if avocado is your thing, it would have complimented it very well. I'd love to go back here, burger night or not, and try another.

Picture this under the bun.

Additionally, I don't talk about this enough, but they were very good about the burger not touching the bun. Without sounding OCD, the bun of a burger is sacred. If ingredients are there, they should be on both sides of the beef patty, so as to not compromise the bun. It's one of those things you take for granted, like breathing, or the fact the weather channel has "Local on the 8's".

Now Serving: Boardwalk Fresh Burgers and Fries

At some point last week, I found myself near Arbutus. Or was it Halethorpe. Maybe it was Catonsville. I don't understand the area down there. I've even heard it referred to as Catonsbutisthorpe, and many other mashed up names. Hunger struck me, as it usually does, so I ask Siri to find me a burger joint. "She" points me to "Boardwalk Fresh Burgers and Fries". 

When I started this voyage into grilled beefdom, I said I would focus on independently owned, local restaurants and carry outs. And though "Boradwalk Fries" is a nationally recognized brand, BFBF has less than 20 locations, sporadically dropped across the country, including 2 in the Baltimore Metro area (the other you can find in Hunt Valley), as well as their corporate offices in Columbia. I suppose that's local enough for me. (Although, many of the same points could have been made about Five Guys burgers 10 years ago). It does feel like the company wants to brand it differently.

They really try to play up the beach theme, with fun but tacky stuff on the wall. The interior is large, and feels like a lot of unused space. It could just be not a lot of people in Halebutustville aren't eating at 3pm. But the restaurant is very clean, and it's reassuring to have full view of the grill and prep area. I spent some time in the food service industry, and have had hours of classes about food borne illnesses, and I know I wont get it here. I glance over the pretty basic menu (Build a burger, a few signature items) and I go for their BBQ Bacon double, because I'm a big fan of both bacon and BBQ.

Now, BFBF is clearly trying to establish themselves as a quick service restaurant. And the idea that the picture on the menu won't match the actual poduct you get is a tired premise, but for comparison sake. 

As advertised on their website

As presented on my tray

Not that this will wreck my day, they burger still looked good, but didn't have 2 layers of bacon or a seaseme bun. It was done in a little under 5 minutes, benefit of thin patties probably pressed on the grill. It does have a respectable amount of BBQ sauce, so I dab a bit on my finger before I dig in. It's very VERY sweet, just taste very thick. Not in a good way. Burger itself is a little greasy and a little dry. Bacon is the best part of the burger, no fat, crunchy but not burnt. I still can't get over the sauce though. I get to a bite that doesn't have any beef, and it finally hits me when my bite is more lettuce and tomato: The BBQ sauce tastes like French salad dressing. Like

Catalina style french dressing.

Now, I've read that some places actually serve bacon burgers with this dressing, but I was not particularly ready for this. Nor did I really care for the burger itself as a whole. On this blog, I may review a lot of restaurant and pub gourmet burgers, but this doesn't make me a burger snob, as I'll take a Dollar menu cheesebrger and enjoy it will still satisfy me. This particular burger didn't.

Please, not on my burger

Now Serving: Chap's Pit Beef

Captions via highlowfooddrink.com

My voyage for the best Burger in Baltimore will occasionally have me thinking outside the box. This forward thinking led me here, to Chap's pit beef. Many will argue they have the best pit beef in town, and anytime Food Network rolls through Charm City, they usually send a host with a bubbly personality (and sometimes outrageous hair) to their shack to sample the goods. Chap's has become a tourist destination, and I feel some of this novelty is reflected in their prices. I don't know their overhead, and having been there countless times for their sandwiches (my personal favorites are "The Habbit" or "The Tricom"), I can attest it's good. Perhaps worth the cost. But, they are located in the parking lot of a strip club.

 

Today though, it's the Larry Burger. Larry apparently likes Swiss Cheese and Bacon, because that's what comes on the Larry Burger. And that's all. I could have got it with some traditional toppings (lettuce, tomato, you know, stuff usually included on a burger), but they cost extra, and I'm not playing that game. I'm still heading to the toppings bar, and covering it in their signature "Tiger Sauce", a Horseradish and mayonnaise blend. 





Warm all the way through

The burger itself is very thick, and I expected it to be that way. They are generous with their portions. I unwrap it from its foil, and again from its deli wrap, and it's thick and black. I'm familiar with cooking beef over a pit, and I'm fearful I'm about to bite into a hockey puck. 



This is not the case. The charr on the burger is near perfect, creating a crunch on the corners, and a warm temperature all the way through. Really capturs the flavor of the grill. Bacon coiled and crispy. Every ingredient in every bite. The Tiger Sauce gave it that extra kick.

Is this a game changing burger? No.
Is this something I want to eat after skipping breakfast and grabbing a late lunch. Without question. It's a big thick burger that will fill you up. I am not disappointed.

Side note: Got to watch "Chef" over the weekend. If you love food as much as I, go rent it. It spoke to my heart and stomach in a very parallel way.